Tuesday, 15 November 2016


I think we should make Trump a swear word.

It would work for generic swearing such as "for Trump's sake, you Trumped that right up", but I think he'd be particularly good for portmanteau swear words. Trumpstain. Trumpnugget. ClusterTrump. You get the idea.

Actually we'd probably need to lose the capital. You couldn't say "Trumpfest" without thinking of good old boys standing round watching Ted Nugent blast the heads off pigeons as his amps slowly sink into a swamp, whereas trumpfest is just fuckfest with trump for fuck. Similarly, a modern day Malcolm Tucker could invite people to "come the trump in or trump the trump off" and get a birthday cake saying "Happy birthday tr*mp" without sounding too specific for his purposes. 

Once adopted it would have many uses. It might for instance serve to take the derogatory sting out of "tard" on the end of an insult, so a Trump supporter below the line would cease to be a "commentard" and become a "commentrump" instead. "Fucktard" would become "fucktrump", or even "trumptrump".

The main point, though, is that future generations would find Trump comical even before they knew anything about him. When they made The Twenty First Century's Biggest Trump Ups in 2115 and wheeled out Steward Maconie's head in a jar to tell us how there was originally an actual Trump who was particularly despised in the north, the groundwork would already have been done.

It isn't, I would concede, the very best swear word. Fuck, cunt, wank, these are all better words for enhancing the percussive and pejorative force of a swear. Worse, trump is already a euphemism for fart, which gives it exactly the wrong emotional weight for our purposes.

These are just marketing issues though, and we already know that marketing can make people believe someone with a gold-plated lift shaft is an anti-elitist man of the people, so I don't see why it couldn't handle this. The impact on execrational diversity concerns me more, I must admit, but there is after all a war on and we all have to make sacrifices.

Incidentally, is the lift the only gold-plated shaft Trump has? I think we should be told.

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